Day Thirty One

Hatred day.  I am filled with so much hatred for this woman today that I cant concentrate on anything else.  What the hell was she doing??!?!!?  Why him?  Why my family?  I decided to write her a letter…

“Hopefully this is the last communication you will have with any of my family that you nearly destroyed... including MY husband.  That includes all crazy late night phone calls to OUR friends.  You are no longer welcome, not that you ever were by me, in our life.  He does not love you.  He never did.  He got "caught up" in some fantasy life where you were just a silly little insignificant being that screwed up our world.  My world.  My kids world.  You were nothing but "a mistake" (his exact words), his biggest regret in life and something he wishes never happened.  My children will hopefully never learn of this and will be brought up to respect relationships and not turn out like the two of you. Selfish, horrible people who put her own disgusting urges before the kids' well being.  As a mother one would hope that you would be a better person, the person you want your son to marry.  Let’s hope he doesn’t.  I hope he grows up not knowing how horrible you were in this.  What kind of stepmother did you think you would be to my kids?  Do you really think you are fit to influence a little girl?  I have removed myself from people solely because I thought they brought nothing positive to my kids... and they weren’t nearly as despicable as you.

You were just as much a part in this as Mike and I hope you have been honest with your husband about this... Mike seems to think that the two of you should reconcile.  I think you should, too, so you will back off my husband.  You knew we were having problems and you allowed yourself to be a part of them... the biggest part of them.  You snuck around, you betrayed me and you tried to ruin everything.  Mike is working so hard to rebuild our relationship, I only hope that you finally have a little bit of repsect for yourself and for me and my family to STAY AWAY.

I know you went to St Louis... I know about the lost receipts and the dinners and I can only imagine the dirty sex the two of you had.  I know you woke up with MY husband.  I know you had your mouth on MY husbands body.  I know you talked of vacations.  I know as much as I need to know about this and I am sick about it all the time.  He was supposed to only ever be in my body. I was never supposed to get tested for STD's again. I know Mike doesn’t like to use condoms... but I suppose you know that too, now.  I was supposed to be safe and loved and never feel like this.  Mike is paying the price for this, he is living with this everyday.  I truly believe that he loves me, hates how he hurt me and will live with that for the rest of our lives.  He has told me that being with you made him realize how much he loves me...I will not be thankful and I believe that many other less painful things could have brought him to that conclusion. How does it feel to be the one that made him realize that he loves ME?

You didn’t love him, there is no way you could.  You didn’t know him.  You knew a man who was confused, afraid and dishonest.  You knew a man who he never thought he could be.  With you he was a cheater, a liar and a filthy man who snuck around and betrayed his family.  The fact that you feel that you fell in love with a man like that is disturbing and if you hadn’t continued to sneak around (calling him from friends phones, emailing solely on his hotmail account, asking him to remove me from my own cell phone account, etc) after I found the first text message, I might feel a little sorry for you.  I don’t.  I feel hatred and pain and a constant sickness about the kind of person you are.  Its disgusting what you have done, pushing yourself on him even after I found out.  I hope you are embarrassed about your call to John, one that will be a joke to John's wife and I for years to come.  You are now just some crazy bitch who can’t take no for an answer.  Some slutty girl who tried to ruin a family that was in distress and needed help, not a whore to come in and take advantage of a man who was lost.  He is not off the hook here, don’t get me wrong.  He is just as much to blame as you, but he will work the rest of his life showing me how sorry he is and how much he regrets any involvement with you. He has shown remorse, but you... oh, you... you just get off with a little hand slap.  Oh, poor little Cassie... Mike doesnt love her.  Mike fell for her money and her lifestyle, and could care less about her as a person. I want so badly to tell Brad, your mayor mom and your powerful father EVERYTHING about you.  I have tons of proof, too.  TONS.  I wont, though, because I want you to disappear... to fade into a horrible memory.  

I hope this hurts you.  I hope you feel pain, you deserve every last bit of it.  Whatever pain you might feel right now, if you have made it this far into this email, is NOTHING compared to what I have to live with.  Through this I have learned about the truest form of unconditional love, it is what I have with Mike.  You were just an unnecessary and unfortunate condition that brought us closer together, that showed us an unconditional love for each other.

I know you have to see him at the June market and I hope that you are smart enough to stay as far away from him as possible. “

I am not going to send it… yet.  I am trying so hard to show her that we don’t care about her at all, but I want her to feel the pain and embarrassment that I feel.  I want her to imagine he and I passionately making love and feel a sense of loss that she never got that with him.  I want her to cry, to not be able to eat and to be so consumed by this that she questions her ability to be a good parent.  But, for now, I will bite my tongue.  I wont tattle to her family, I will let her live with this secret.  I will let her stew in it and wonder if he ever thinks about her.  I want to go to yelp and write nasty reviews about her yogurt shop, but I won’t.  I just want her gone.  Forever.