Had a horrible dream last night… I dreamt that I was shopping with the two of them! She was there, I was there and he was there. Horrible. They were holding hands and talking, while I was desperately trying to be noticed. They would go off together and I was stuck looking for them, praying that they hadn’t reconnected their romance while I was gone for a few moments. I woke up sweating at 4am and struggled to find any peace to fall back asleep in for about an hour. When I awoke at 6, he was gone. My stomach turned and I imagined a life of never waking next to him again. In my mind, I knew he was out running but my heart took control of that and my mind begin racing with ridiculous scenarios… had he gone to see her? What if he never came back? Thankfully, he returned from his run and came upstairs. I told him about the dream, he had had a similar bad dream that I had left him so we discussed the dreams and I thought my day would get better. It didn’t. I couldn’t shake the feeling of the dream all day, the words in yesterdays found emails were running through my head and I thought, all day, about how for two months he preferred her. He wanted to be with her when he was with me. I know that he wants me now and that’s what is supposed to be important, but I cant stop thinking about how alone I felt with him for those two months and how scared I was of losing him, not knowing that I already had. I feel stupid for not seeing the signs sooner, had I started snooping earlier I might have caught it before it became as painful as it has. But, I also know that I WAS trying, I WAS doing everything in my power (including a very expensive order from Victoria
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