Day Fifty Two

Tonight was a night I knew was NOT going to go well.  He had been planning a boys night with his visiting friend and I was not happy about it.  We compromised that they would go to a bar for a few drinks, meet his brother for dinner then leave at half time of the game they were watching.  Well, just as I expected, some ridiculous factors forced him to stay through the whole game and get home at almost midnight.  The service was slow at the restaurant.  He claimed that his TWO text messages where him “checking in all night” and thought that his promises that “its never going to happen again, you have nothing to worry about” were enough for me to know that what he was doing was harmless, just drinkin’ with the boys.  Bullshit.  It wasn’t harmless.  He knew how uncomfortable I was with it and he chose his own selfish needs ahead of mine.  Sound familiar?  That’s exactly what he did while he was sneaking around with that dirty little yogurt shop owning slut. 

Well, as one can imagine, a huge fight ensued and I was actually punching the ground with frustration.  He claims he did everything right.  He doesn’t understand what the problem is.  The real problem is that I have gotten myself so worked up that I cant even calm down.  I cry, whisper-yell at the top of my lungs (kids AND overnight visitor are all asleep) and he just lies in bed, watching.  He has no reaction to it (per usual).  THIS is the problem.  He never reacts.  He just sits there. Never shares feelings, never holds me when I am upset.  He just sits there.

I finally conceded only because I was feeling so lonely I would do anything to get him to hold me.  How ridiculous is that?  He doesn’t understand, but am I foolish to expect him to?