A little hungover today, but feeling rather well. Ran some errands with the kids and feeling less doomed. I emailed him pictures of the concert and he responded saying the ones of the two of us were great and he reiterated that he had a great time last night.
My body cant handle rock star partying anymore, but my hangover did bring me a little relief from the feeling of impending doom. Maybe its not as bad as I thought. I feel so crazy. Somedays it just feels like the mountain is too steep to climb and other days I feel like we are doing remarkably well and we will get through this. I read yesterdays post and am now thinking that maybe it was the alcohol and fun that made me so fatalistic about the outcome of this... but why does alcohol and FUN make me think this way? The more we get along the more I think about the horrible lies and deceit and it makes me want to have a good time with someone who would never want to cause me this pain. I have to realize that he didnt WANT the pain for me... he was only thinking of himself. Our therapist told him he has commitment issues, but will those ever go away? Is he worth all of this? Can he ever be what I need?
I am too tired to think about this anymore. I just need a vacation from him and this life he has built for me. I am so tired of feeling so confused all the time.
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