He’s back at work and I am back to my daily grind of parenting, errand running and managing the house. It’s a cold rainy day and I have an important volunteer meeting to prepare for, which allows me to get my mind off of the affair and the fact that he is back at work, with a telephone I cant monitor in one of the places he used to have sex with her. I still have so many questions… what was she going to tell her mother about? Why has he ever seen her house when this supposedly only took place at work? Has he ever done this before her? What about those weeks after our first child was born when he withdrew just like he did when he started seeing her? Was there someone else? I couldnt help but dissect our entire relationship.
We settled down after we put the kids to bed and he took his work computer out. I noticed that an opened window that had been minimized was title “Deleted Messages” and I panicked. What was he deleting? What was he hiding? Were they in contact? My heart raced and I, instead of asking in anger, waited a moment to compose myself. I asked and he explained that he had had to delete a bunch of large sent emails to free up space on his work email. What I wanted was for him to open the window and show me, without my having to look like the crazy one and open it for him. He didn’t. His email filling up has been an issue with his work email account for years, and while I didn’t believe him I decided to take his word for it. He cant possibly want to hurt me anymore than he has. He is not the same man who did this, I just have to keep reminding myself of that.
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