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Saturday, November 26, 2011

Separation - Day Nineteen

Well, Thanksgiving came and went.  It was a lonely day without him.  My sister came to visit to help me figure my life out and we had a simple Thanksgiving dinner with my children... complete with lots of pie and goodies, yet none of it filled the void that his absence created.  I tried to be in good spirits for my babies, but it was difficult.  I cant believe that he is choosing this, after everything we have been through. I cant imagine how lonely he is feeling... not that I pity him, I just dont understand why he would make a decision that seems so horrible for everyone.  I feel so lost and unsure of everything in my future.

We still haven't told the kids or most of our family members.  He is not certain he wants to tell anyone just yet, which brings me a little hope that he wants to reconcile but its so hard to tell what he wants... he doesn't even know.  I am trying to not be too hopeful for a future together, but I cant help it.  I want to prepare myself for the worse, but I cant help but wish and pray for our family to be together again.  I try to imagine sharing my life with another person, but it seems so impossible.  I am so tired and anxious and sad and angry and lonely.  I just want to feel normal again.  I suppose if you truly love someone, you wouldn't put them through this shit.  Maybe he just doesn't love me.  Why cant I just believe that and move on?

4 comments:

  1. I hope you and your kids are doing OK. The holidays are so tough. Thank you again for this blog....it has helped me tremendously.

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  2. Hi.....I hope all is OK. I was one year out from d-day on yesterday. It's a tough, tough road to travel for sure, but I have some hope. Please let us know how you're doing.

    margy

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  3. I'm just checking in again.....I hope all is well. Would love to see an update!

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  4. I have just spent the last two hours reading your story and feeling so connected to you "kindred spirits" because I am you 2 years later. Betrayed by the "one" person I believed to be my everything. Please please please update us on your personal journey. I am 7 months into this nightmare with nothing but a day to day living life as best as I can for me and my boys. I would love to hear how you are doing today as a result of this devastation. I have read your words and felt your pain.

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