Woke up refreshed and ready to move forward with him. After a somewhat amazing weekend, I felt reassured that he loved me, confident that we could get through this and hopeful for the future. I went to a playdate, ran some errands and had energy!! THEN, I stupidly snooped and found an archived conversation between them on facebook…
Her: “Hope your having a super day”
Him? “What? You hope me and Kendall had a great day together? What does that mean?”
Her: “No. I hope you did something to make you happy. What did you guys do? Watch TV, sit on the couch?”
Him: “Something like that, but all I wanted to do was talk to you”
Her: “Can you get away and call me for a few minutes?”
Her: “Hello?!?!”
Somewhere in there I must have finally grabbed his attention or complained about the computer being open OR sat close enough to him that I threatened their privacy. Either way, it was sneaky and it just brought to light the fact that he would rather have been with her that night. I remember that night… I remember sitting on the couch asking him to do a puzzle with me, wanting him to pay attention to me and wondering what I had done to make him not want to be near me anymore… all the while wearing a sexy nightgown with the hopes of connecting with him physically that night. I was wearing his favorite nightgown and he was wanting to be with her. Stomach ache, heart racing, head pounding… my usual bodily responses started up and I texted him about it, asking for him to say something amazing. His response: “I am sorry I said that and I am sorry you found it. I am leaving soon to be with you, I love you!” Perfect. Except, it doesn’t really matter… my body already responded and the words are engraved in my brain. All I wanted to do was talk to you. All I wanted to do was talk to you.
