Day Thirty

I really thought that this was going to be a terrible day… the anniversary of my original discovery day.  But, my kids and I kept busy and we had a pleasant evening as a family, dinner outside in gorgeous weather, bedtime was more fun than it had been in a while and he and I really enjoyed each others company after.  I never even realized what day it was until I sat down to write before bed.  That has got to be a step forward, right? 

Day Twenty Nine

Day two of the work week and we are nearing the one month anniversary of my discovery day (as its referred to on infidelity support websites).  I cant believe its almost been a month.   One of the worst months of my 32 years.  Please, please, please, God, tell me that this will get easier.  Tell me that the month of May will one day NOT be filled with grief and sadness. Show me strength and the ability to trust this man.  I cant stop thinking about the deleted messages from his computer last night.  I cant get this feeling out of my gut.  I cant stop perusing the internet, searching for as much information as I can get my hands on about her… I would love to get her home phone number to compare it to the phone numbers on our cell bill, but her soon to be ex husband is a police officer so that’s impossible.  I check the phone records regularly, looking for more secrets and am not satisfied when I find nothing.  I am convinced he is still lying, but I take a deep breath and try to convince myself that he couldn’t possibly be THAT bad of a person that he would continue to lie to me.  He wants to work it out.  He wants only me.  He wants only me.  He wants only me.