Day Eight Seven

Today was a busy one!!!  I had work to do, had a doctors appt and had various things to take care of around the house.  My new job has kept me fairly busy, which has been a blessing and a curse.  When I get too busy now, I get really overwhelmed and in near-breakdown mode.  I usually have to call him several times for support and wind up yelling at my kids, then apologizing while frantically trying to get done what I need to get done.  I am such a mess!  Still, after eighty eight days I am a wreck!

He helped me a lot today, offered to take a few tasks off my hands and even left a little early from work to help out.  He even suggested I take the kids to playcare (which costs $11 an hour) just so I could have some quiet time to get my work done.  Luckily, they both took long naps and I was able to calm down a little and get down to business, without spending the money to take them to playcare.  The dinner I prepared was mediocre, at best, and he ate it all up, never once complaining.  He even did the dishes and suggested I take a bath while he put the kids down himself.  Of course, the bath never happened because my daughter freaked out over my not putting her to bed for two nights in a row, but the thought was there and I recognize that.  He is trying, he really is.  I just wish that was enough to erase all of this.

Day Forty Nine

Too exhausted to think today.  The kids are ridiculous and their naughty behavior, once again, forced me to not think about the affair.  We had an okay day, despite the behavior issues and the evening brought him home early for dinner and we fell asleep on the couch, recovering from a busy week.

Day Forty

Two days of not talking about it!  I feel like this week long goal might actually be an attainable one!  I know its only been two days, but I have made it much further than I thought I could.  I am no longer expecting myself to fail... I might actually be able to do this!

It really helped that we had a busy Saturday, doing tons of work around the house, and the kids were horribly behaved, so much of our energy was spent disciplining them. J  Thank god for my annoying kids, they made my life feel more normal today. 

We ended the day exhausted and as close to normal as we have been in 40 days.  We fell asleep early on the couch and stumbled up to bed, looking forward to tomorrow.